Why I Forgave My Daddy

Memories wrap around our souls like skin, reminding us – with every movement – of the pain inflicted, knowingly and unknowingly, by our fathers.

That event he missed.

The words he said.

His actions louder than words.

And we are often oblivious to the weight this record of wrongs has on our life.  It was in my own state of oblivion that a counselor asked a poignant question.

“Have you written a forgiveness letter to your father?” she said.   “Why, he wasn’t around?” I naively thought to myself.  In 30 years it never occurred to me that I needed to dispense unmerited mercy.

After that probing question I played a game of tug-o-war with a pressing decision;  I forgive him; I forgive him not. The fear of recurring wounds made commitment difficult.  I couldn’t figure out how or why I should give up my list of grievances for someone who might hurt me again.  Torn between two options, I finally made the choice to grant grace to my dad.

Books became the hammer I used to chip away at my stubborn will – one in particular stands out.  Joyce Meyers, Christian Author and speaker, details the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father in her book, Beauty for Ashes.  She says,  “I was sexually, physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abused from the time I can remember until I finally left home at the age of eighteen”.

Her story – jagged and mired with thorns – is difficult to read, let alone live through.  Even still, Joyce details how she forgave her father at the end of the book.   She offers a compelling case for letting go of offenses, but it was not enough for me.

I needed more than another woman’s journey to give up my right to hold his pardon hostage.  Aided by disappointment, I  maintained a grudge,  embodied anger, and embraced bitterness.  I needed a counter argument I could not refute; it was found in Christ.

Betrayed.

Rejected.

Struck.

Spat on.

Mocked.

Beaten unrecognizable.

Stripped.

Flogged.

Abandoned.

Crucified.

For me.

On a cross Christ died for my unforgivable acts and those of my father.  

 He did this knowing I would grudgingly offer this gift He so freely gave to me.

With Christ as my compass I must release any and every offender.   I forgive my daddy because I have been forgiven. Period.

And it must be noted that this choice does not justify the behavior of the guilty party.  It does not dismiss or excuse the acts they committed against you.  Nor does it require forgetting, denying pain, or reconciliation.  Forgiveness is a decision to surrender our right to hold another person responsible for the wrong done to us.

Though I do not know the tender ache of the misdeeds you suffered,  I know the one who has forgiven you and your offender. 

 Christ alone is the impetus for forgiveness, now and forever.

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