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Kia Stephens

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February 14, 2017

3 Things To Remember When You Don’t Feel Loved on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017 | By | 4 Comments

No  flowers

No Chocolates

No Man

When our romanticized view of Valentine’s Day meets reality we may be tempted to treat this holiday as just another day.  Whether married or single we may find ourselves wanting to stay in bed, gorge on candy and binge on Netflix.  After all, this day is often salt poured into an already open and unhealed wound.  

It is a wound resulting from failed relationships, broken marriages, and seemingly endless years of singleness.  Thus, the day is easily dismissible: having no real significance to us.   Valentine’s Day becomes a day we tolerate and muddle through rather than one we celebrate.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Every woman who has given up on love can reclaim it.  She can look forward to this day with anticipation.  Instead of dread and discouragement she can discover a new sentiment for this holiday.

But it will require a change in perspective.

If you’re standing at an impasse regarding the lack of love in your life I have three things you can remember that just may change your view of Valentine’s Day.

#1 Love is not a Feeling

Ever wonder what keeps relationships afloat after the warm fuzzies fade off into the unknown abyss?  When couples find themselves past the Honeymoon phase and into the difficult seasons of marriage, what keeps them together?  For some it could be the fear of being alone but for others I am venturing to say there is something much stronger.

It is an idea that was absolutely revolutionary for me.  One that shifted my focus from the idyllic Cinderella love to the mature love of a gray haired grandmother married for 50 years.  I cannot pinpoint where or when I heard it but I am grateful for this single statement.  

3 Things to Remember When You Don't Feel Loved on Valentine's Day meme 2

Although we may consign it to fluttering butterflies in our stomach or the he-went-to-Jared commercials, love is so much more.  We can choose to celebrate the beauty, resilience, and compassion of this type of love everyday of our lives, not just on Valentine’s Day.  When we have this comprehension of love it makes the holiday inclusive of everyone rather than exclusive for just a few.

This view of love challenges us all to choose to love others rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for someone to love us. This is the love that compels us to serve; helps us to love a difficult spouse; and keeps us caring for an ailing parent.  This is the love we can celebrate without any reservation on Valentine’s Day.  

#2 Love is Not Relegated to a Relationship Status

Contrary to popular opinion, your life has value outside of your relationship status.  You were God’s idea.  He wanted you here for it says in Psalms 139: 13 (NIV)  “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”

From this one verse alone we see that God was intentional about our existence.  He had an idea and then with great attention to details He hand crafted us in our mother’s womb.  We are one of a kind.

This ascribes value to us that surpasses our relationship status; we are more than single or married women.  We are daughters of God, loved, valued, and wanted, by Him. His opinion matters most.  So if you have deemed yourself unlovable or unwanted because no one is dawning your door with a big bouquet of flowers, know that everyday of your life you have been and will continue to be loved by God.

#3 Love is a Person

God is love.

We toss this phrase around carelessly not truly understanding the weight of our words.  And yes it is true, but why?  What is the deeper meaning in this statement?

We say this because of an act. In John 3: 16 (NIV) it says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” The greatest act of love has nothing to do with the romanticized view of Valentine’s Day.  

It has everything to do with the love of our heavenly Father and the selfless sacrifice of His son Jesus.  And it wasn’t pretty.  His death was gory, difficult, and looked like the absolute antithesis of love; but it was love personified.

He endured the cross and it’s shame because He loved us first.  

3 Things to Remember When We Don't Feel Loved on Valentine's Day Meme 1

Though we are not deserving of this type of love it is bestowed on mankind freely if we choose to accept it.  And for this reason, whether our love life looks the way we want it to or not we can embrace this love on Valentine’s Day.

 

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Comments

  1. Excellent post, Kia! I love your message here and encouragement to maintain a right perspective of Valentine’s Day. Thank you for this!

    God bless,
    Patty

    • Thanks Patty, I wanted to provide another perspective for women who may have been hurting on Valentine’s Day. Thanks for joining the conversation and be blessed! – Kia

  2. Your message feels like a Valentine to me! Thanks for the push we need to move outside our comfort zone and to be the one who loves first!
    Michele Morin recently posted…A Veiled Life in the Sandy Waste: Till We Have Faces (7)My Profile

    • Well Happy Valentine’s to you then Michele. I wanted to encourage women who may have been feeling unloved on Valentine’s Day. I am so grateful God’s love is not confined to a single day. Thanks for joining the conversation and be blessed! – Kia

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