3 Ways to Stop Dating Mr. Wrong
Although it is only once a year event Valentine’s Day has the potential to cast a dark shadow on our romantic relationships or lack thereof. This day tends to magnify the absence of a love interest in the life of a single woman. At least that is the sentiment I have heard in the past few months.
“I wanna go on a date.”
“These men only want one thing.”
“It is hard to find a good man.”
The challenge is not just going on a date but the quality of man you go on the date with. You don’t want a newer version of Mr. Wrong. You’re tired of the man who looks different, smells different but is just another nuance of the last man you went out with.
You want a man with character, intelligence, and a sincere love for you. But just where on God’s green earth are they? The park? Church? An online website?
Why is it that some women can seemingly meet the man of their dreams, get married, and buy a house in the suburbs in 6 – 9 months. What’s the secret? And how can you break free from the detrimental cycle of dating Mr. Wrong? How can you begin to date men you could actually see yourself spending the rest of your life with?
If you find yourself saying, “Yes, girl how?” I have some suggestions for you. But I must warn you, the advice I am about to share may be a bitter pill to swallow. You may want to stop reading and never visit my blog again. If that is the case I get it, and this is a risk I am willing to take because I want to share some blind spots you may be overlooking.
I also want to clarify who I am talking to because this article is not for every single woman. I recognize some women are single by choice, some by circumstance and then there is another group. This is the group I am focusing on in this post.
From the outside of the fish bowl I have observed single women who are single because their perspective needs a face lift. Yes, I did say that. And I imagine you may be feeling the urge to pick up your 3 inch stiletto to throw in my direction, but just hear me out.
There is a very real possibility that you keep dating Mr. Wrong because you are the common denominator in every relationship. Maybe, just maybe the reasons you keep dating Mr. Wrong is because you needs to change. If there is even a tinge of something inside of you saying, “She’s right” I encourage you to keep reading because this post is for you.
So in the words of an old southern grandmother it’s time to, “Put your big girl panties on” as we dive into these suggestions.
# 1 Become Ms. Right
In his series, “The New Rules of Love Sex and Dating”, pastor and author Andy Stanley said, “Become the person the person you are looking for is looking for.” For many women we want Mr. tall, dark and fabulous to come knocking on our door but the reality is, he may not be coming. We can only attract who we are.
If we are negative we will attract negativity. If we are superficial we will attract superficiality. If we lie we will attract liars.
And although I am not dropping deep nuggets here, for whatever reason this is a pitfall many women succumb to. Then we wonder why it seems we keep dating the same type of men. We are our biggest issue.
So how should can we become Ms. Right? I’m glad you asked. I have taken the liberty to make a short list to get you started.
- Commit to not date for a year or more (this includes no sex).
- Ask God to begin to show you areas in your life where you need to change.
- Meditate on scriptures that apply to the areas God shows you.
- Read books that relate to what you are trying to do (i.e. The Wait, by DeVon Franklin and Megan Good).
- Hang out with like minded women who will hold you accountable.
# 2 Establish Non-negotiables
You may be tempted to date the first guy who notices you, especially if you are in a dating drought. Don’t do it! Take the time to establish a criteria that is non-negotiable. The moment you begin to compromise is the moment you open the door for more of the same.
Remember you are tired of dating Mr. Wrong and you do not have time to waste on him any longer. Not only that, think about all the work you are doing to become Ms. Right. Don’t throw all that hard work in the proverbial trash can for another Mr. Right substitute.
You want the real thing.
As you establish your list I encourage you to create one with depth not one shallow qualities and characteristics. Below are just a few suggestions.
Suggestions on Non-negotiables
- Follower of Jesus Christ and Has A GROWING Relationship with the Lord
- Great Relationships With His Mother & Father (If the relationships are not great is he working on it?)
- Has a Vision For His Life (P.S. You need to know yours too, in order to determine if you want to be a part of his.)
- He is a Man of Integrity
- He Prioritize Abstinence Until Marriage (Yes, people still do this!)
- He Apologizes When He is Wrong
- He is Courteous in Speech & Action
- He Has His Own Place to Stay
- He is Monogamous
# 2 Listen to the Right Advice
When it comes to dating, there is no shortage of advice on the subject: “Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man”; “Kiss Dating Goodbye”; and “Give Dating a Chance”. We could fill up our days with all of the books, magazines, blog post and webinars that have been done on the subject. And though it is tempting to binge on relationship self help books, God, who is the initiator of relationships, is the ultimate authority on the subject.
His wisdom trumps all the experts on this topic. If we desire a long lasting and meaningful relationships with the opposite sex we must start with God. Only in Him can we truly discover what love is.
If you find yourself at a loss of where to begin do a Google search on scriptures that talk about dating. You will find an abundance of passages that communicate God’s heart on the matter.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5 – 6 (NIV)
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