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Kia Stephens

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March 6, 2017

3 Types of Vulnerability to Avoid

March 6, 2017 | By | 13 Comments

I come from a long line of talkers:  my grandfather, my mother, and me.  Effortlessly I can go for an hours without coming up for air (My husband will attest to this.).  I’m also highly extroverted, which makes a for an lively cocktail in any social setting.

My personality yields itself to being free and transparent – a real party starter – , however, it has also been my Achilles’ heel.  Life has taught me that sometimes you need to be quiet; I’ve learned this from the school of bad decisions.  Which is why I realized there was a need to follow up my previous post on being vulnerable with 3 types of vulnerability to avoid.

#1 Vomit Vulnerability

It sounds gross but the severity of this type of communication needs a visual.  There have been numerous times in my life when I was so conversation starved that the moment I had someone who would listen I divulged too much too fast.  This blind spot is highlighted in the Bible.

Proverbs 10: 19 (NIV) illustrates this when it says “Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.”  

Unfortunately prudence wasn’t high up on my list of desired attributes.  I had to learn to ask for this like the

Bible says in James 1: 5 (NIV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

If we are going to avoid Vomit Vulnerability we must ask God for wisdom when it comes to the words we share.

#2 Substitute god Vulnerability

Because I am such a people person I am often tempted to move God out of His rightful place in my life and insert someone else.  Unbeknownst to them, I’ve inserted friends, my husband, and leaders I know and have never met.  I’ve mistakenly placed I priority on the created rather than the creator.   

I have learned that there is no substitute for God.  He should be consulted first and often exclusively.  

In John 14: 26 (NIV) it says, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”

I was recently reminded that the Holy Spirit is not God’s little cousin; He is God.  And the Bible describes Him as an Advocate and helper.  Consulting Him first is far better than turning to mankind.  We are flawed and limited by a finite perspective but God’s wisdom is limitless.

 

#3 Foolish Vulnerability

I was raised among the older generation so I’ve accumulated a few phrases that they would say.  “Chile’ she can’t hold water.”  Have you ever heard this?  It means the person can’t keep a secret.

Do you know anyone like this or have you ever been this person?  I can answer yes to both.  When it comes to being vulnerable we have to evaluate who we are being vulnerable with.

What is their track record?  Can they hold water or do they tell other people’s business?  More than likely, if they’ve told you the secrets of others they will tell yours too.

The Bible admonishes us to exercise caution with our words in Proverbs 17: 27 – 28  (NIV) when it says,

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even – tempered.  Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”

 

All I can say is OUCH, I’ve been an unwise fool.  By God’s grace I will play the fool no more.  In having a life enriched by vulnerability I am choosing to do it by exercising wisdom, consulting God, sometimes being QUIET!

Comments

  1. Jasmine

    This is good stuff. Most times I find myself leaning on the other side of this equation, as in not being vulnerable because I have been hurt so much in the past. But when I decide to let someon see that other side of me, these are all great things to keep in mind, I especially like the part where you talk about there is no substitute for God. I have placed many people there often, and then you stop and realize that you haven’t even consulted your father in heaven! Good stuff Kia!

    • Thanks Jasmine. I have been on all sides of this equation and yes we do run the risk of being hurt when we are vulnerable but God heals and HE makes us WISER. Thank goodness. So grateful you joined the conversation today my friend and be blessed! – Kia

  2. Kia, I love the vivid way you express yourself. This is very memorable!
    Michele Morin recently posted…One Weekend in History – For Ruby MagazineMy Profile

    • Michele I value your encouragement. Thank you for your frequent visits here. Be blessed! – Kia

  3. Kia, This is excellent. I have been thinking about writing about this very topic. You give us some very valuable insights and great wisdom from the scriptures. Thank you for sharing!
    Leslie recently posted…Top 12 Things I’ve Learned this WinterMy Profile

    • Kia, I saved this link and if I do a series on being vulnerable, I will be sure to link back to this article! Leslie
      Leslie recently posted…Top 12 Things I’ve Learned this WinterMy Profile

      • Awesome Leslie! Thanks so much for thinking of me. I am honored that you will be sharing my link.

    • My pleasure Leslie. I’ve learned a lot from getting it completely wrong in this area. It is easy to share from my vulnerability blunders. Thanks for joining the conversation today and be blessed! – Kia

  4. Kia, there is much wisdom in this post. At those times when I feel the need to talk much and vent plenty, to remember to go pour out all my words to God. He always keeps my confidence and points me in the right direction.

    • So true Joanne. I’m very guilty of not doing this, which explains how I could write this post with ease. I was writing to myself. Thanks for joining the conversation today and be blessed!

  5. Being vulnerable is such a touch subject. I tend to be open because it is easier for me. I’ve found that when I try to hold it all together then I feel overwhelmed because the person doesn’t truly know me, but I know that you have to have wisdom when sharing. All that to say, it’s interesting trying to balance vulnerability. Thankfully, the Father is always there to listen and guide even when I am not sure what to do.

  6. I can relate to this. There are many times my mouth gets me in trouble and I find I have to go back and apologize for words misspoken and “vomited” 🙂
    I have learned to slow it down… think before speaking and giving myself a countdown to 10 before speaking. It’s not 100% fail prove but it has helped me in many situations.

    Thanks for these words! (Your neighbor at #Heart Encouragement) Have a blessed day!

    • I agree Rachel, experience has been my greatest teacher. So I’m getting a little better but I have not mastered the art of when to speak and when to be silent. Thanks so much for joining the conversation and be blessed! – Kia

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