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Kia Stephens


April 17, 2017

To the Woman With Father Wounds

April 17, 2017 | By | 14 Comments

I was wasting time on Facebook when my emotions made an unannounced visit.  Out of nowhere they instigated the worst ugly cry of 2017.  There I was, innocently scrolling through images when I stumbled across an article about Simone Biles and Sasha Farber’s waltz to You’re A Good Good Father on Dancing with the Stars.

Immediately, I did a Google search for the video footage, oblivious to how the show would impact me.  Had I known, I could have at least gotten some tissue or read a couple of scriptures.  


Anything other than blindly walking into an emotional minefield.

It wasn’t the biographical information of Simone’s early life that got me.  I could take the story of her drug addicted mother, non-existent father,  and the adoption by her biological grandparents.  At that point, I was still holding things together.

But then they danced.

Simone portrayed herself while Sasha lovingly depicted her adoptive father.  Within a few seconds I was overcome by a complex combination of emotions concerning God, my father, and me.   And it took me by surprise.  I had heard that song before, even sang it without the littlest tear drop making an appearance.  

In that moment, however, the melody, lyrics, and choreography acted like an agitator: stirring up  the unresolved in me.  In Simone’s body language, I saw myself, not the woman, but the little girl.  Generally, I try to keep her from making periodic cameos; but sometimes it is unavoidable.

There are some areas of our lives we may cry about for a lifetime in varying degrees: like father wounds.  And so I grieved.  I grieved for what was lost when I was just a girl. I grieved for what I may never experience.  I grieved for the ways I’ve struggled as an adult woman.

And then I watched the video again.

And again.  

And again.

As they danced I began to imagine myself dancing, not with my father but with God.  Gracefully and vulnerably they swayed to the music.  With every step they grew more in sync and I questioned whether my imagined dance with God mirrored their coordinated movements.

Did I look at God the way she looked at him?

Did I trust God they way she trusted him?

Does my confidence evolve in God’s presence the way her confidence evolved in his?  

I wish I could tell you my answer is a yes 100% of the time; but it’s not.  In fact, sometimes I find myself in situations where my insecurities surface like acne on teenage skin: leaving me to wonder if I’m dancing with God at all.  Sometimes, despite my Bible knowledge, and understanding of who God is,  I find myself reverting back to a little girl sitting on the steps waiting to be chosen: trusting in my feelings rather than God.  

But feelings do not always represent truth.

 We must anchor what we believe in the truth of God’s word and not our fickle feelings.

In Romans 8: 15 (NIV) it says,  

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.  And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

Because I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I am adopted by God.  I am His daughter.  

In 1 John 3: 1 (NIV) it says,

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!”

As a daughter of God I am lavishly loved by Him.  This love was demonstrated by the incomprehensible death of Christ Jesus.  Hence the scripture,

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3: 16 (NIV)

  We must continually fill the hollow places of our soul with God’s truth until it becomes like cement.  

His word makes us secure.

 That is the same security I saw in Simone on that dance floor.  And that is the same security afforded to everyone of God’s daughters.  In Him we can exchange our awkward and uncoordinated lives for a graceful dance with Him as our heavenly Father.


  1. oh wow. Thanks for laying bare your heart! I was stricken by that video too. and I was only just recently introduced to this song. Love it! I was never quite abandoned by my father, but he was never a daddy. I am glad I am a daughter of (an indulgent) merciful, loving, Father!

    Thanks for sharing. and I know God holds you in his Fatherly arms and treasures you!

    • April, I am honored to encourage you as I encourage myself. I always figure, if I’m feeling it, someone else is too. May God overwhelm you with is extravagant love. Thank you for your comments and be blessed! – Kia

  2. I watched it that night; I know her story; I know that song. I don’t know what it’s like to have a missing father because my dad was and is there. He may not be what I think he should be but he’s there. So even if your earthly father is present, knowing that my heavenly father is a good good father makes all the difference.

    But though I don’t understand it, I see how the void of a father can make a huge difference in a girls life.
    nylse recently posted…The Moment Your Momentum ShiftsMy Profile

    • Thank you for your comments Nylse and be blessed! – Kia

  3. How brave and candid you are, Kia, to share this emotionally shredding moment! Thank you for leading us through the pain to our Heavenly Father’s embrace.

    • Alice, I’m not sure if it’s bravery or my own personal form of therapy. I am glad to know you were encouraged by these words. Thank you for your comments and be blessed! – Kia

  4. Kia, you brought me to tears with this one — and I haven’t even watched the video yet! 🙂
    I’m so glad we have a God who loves us like no other.
    Hugs and blessings to you, dear friend. I was so glad to find your post in a linkup this morning.
    Love your beautiful images by the way!
    Marva | SunSparkleShine recently posted…In Pursuit of the Dream You Never Knew You HadMy Profile

    • Hey Marva,
      Yes, it is encouraging to know God loves like no one else can. He is a good Father. I appreciate those hugs your sending all the way from the Caribbean! Thanks for your comments my friend. – Kia

  5. You warned me about grabbing tissues and I forgot to do so. Simone called her grandfather “daddy” and even when our dads are absent ,we can proudly call our lord “Abba Father” He lavishly showers His love upon me

    Thank you so much for the reminder.
    Daughter of a father who was too busy to notice me

    Diana recently posted…Where to drop off our emotional baggage and 6 steps to followMy Profile

    • Diana, I am sorry to hear this about your father but I pray the fact that God sees and notices you is an encouragement!. You are so loved by Him and have been since before your conception. Thank you for being so transparent and joining the conversation. Be blessed! – Kia

  6. So beautiful, Kia. And so much truth. Our feelings are fickle. Thank the Lord His love doesn’t depend on us, especially on how we feel. Like you said so well, grief knows no master, even time. I’m glad we can always turn to our heavenly Father in grief and anything else.

    • Thanks Bethany. I am grateful the Lord’s love is consistent even when I am inconsistent. He can be trusted! Thanks for your words and joining the conversation today. Be blessed! – Kia

  7. This post really resonated with me! Out of the blue, God has used similar images of me “dancing” with Him to convey what it means to be His daughter! I l also love the point you make about the “little girl” in you coming out and expressing grief time and time again. I think it’s so true that grief is a journey not a destination for the fatherless daughter, but gratefully we have a Heavenly Father embracing us along the whole way!

    • Lauren, these are such beautiful words. Thanks for allowing me to get to know you and your story through your transparent words. I am honored to know you and strengthed by your courage. I pray that you would dance with God every day of your life. – Kia

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