To the Woman With Father Wounds
I was wasting time on Facebook when my emotions made an unannounced visit. Out of nowhere they instigated the worst ugly cry of 2017. There I was, innocently scrolling through images when I stumbled across an article about Simone Biles and Sasha Farber’s waltz to You’re A Good Good Father on Dancing with the Stars.
Immediately, I did a Google search for the video footage, oblivious to how the show would impact me. Had I known, I could have at least gotten some tissue or read a couple of scriptures.
Anything other than blindly walking into an emotional minefield.
It wasn’t the biographical information of Simone’s early life that got me. I could take the story of her drug addicted mother, non-existent father, and the adoption by her biological grandparents. At that point, I was still holding things together.
But then they danced.
Simone portrayed herself while Sasha lovingly depicted her adoptive father. Within a few seconds I was overcome by a complex combination of emotions concerning God, my father, and me. And it took me by surprise. I had heard that song before, even sang it without the littlest tear drop making an appearance.
In that moment, however, the melody, lyrics, and choreography acted like an agitator: stirring up the unresolved in me. In Simone’s body language, I saw myself, not the woman, but the little girl. Generally, I try to keep her from making periodic cameos; but sometimes it is unavoidable.
There are some areas of our lives we may cry about for a lifetime in varying degrees: like father wounds. And so I grieved. I grieved for what was lost when I was just a girl. I grieved for what I may never experience. I grieved for the ways I’ve struggled as an adult woman.
And then I watched the video again.
As they danced I began to imagine myself dancing, not with my father but with God. Gracefully and vulnerably they swayed to the music. With every step they grew more in sync and I questioned whether my imagined dance with God mirrored their coordinated movements.
Did I look at God the way she looked at him?
Did I trust God they way she trusted him?
Does my confidence evolve in God’s presence the way her confidence evolved in his?
I wish I could tell you my answer is a yes 100% of the time; but it’s not. In fact, sometimes I find myself in situations where my insecurities surface like acne on teenage skin: leaving me to wonder if I’m dancing with God at all. Sometimes, despite my Bible knowledge, and understanding of who God is, I find myself reverting back to a little girl sitting on the steps waiting to be chosen: trusting in my feelings rather than God.
But feelings do not always represent truth.
We must anchor what we believe in the truth of God’s word and not our fickle feelings.
In Romans 8: 15 (NIV) it says,
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
Because I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I am adopted by God. I am His daughter.
In 1 John 3: 1 (NIV) it says,
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”
As a daughter of God I am lavishly loved by Him. This love was demonstrated by the incomprehensible death of Christ Jesus. Hence the scripture,
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3: 16 (NIV)
We must continually fill the hollow places of our soul with God’s truth until it becomes like cement.
His word makes us secure.
That is the same security I saw in Simone on that dance floor. And that is the same security afforded to everyone of God’s daughters. In Him we can exchange our awkward and uncoordinated lives for a graceful dance with Him as our heavenly Father.