4 Things Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters About Men Part III
Generally, I am naive about a lot of things. On more than one occasion I have been the woman in the group who needed a secondary explanation on terminology everyone else already understood. So when I recently, got schooled on the subject of men, women and Instagram, I wasn’t surprised.
“Most of my subscribers are women,” a friend’s husband said in response to my question about his more than 5,000 plus following. I assumed many of those followers were men but my assumption was met with a truth I will never forget. “Men don’t go to Instagram to get inspiration from other men,” he said. “ Men go to Instagram to look at women.”
As I made a mental note on his statement, I thought not about the women posting multiple pics a day on Instagram but the girls. You’ve seen them: uploading various poses of their kissy faces and model pouts. Young girls in record numbers have turned to the immediate gratification of social media to showcase their make-up genius, modeling aspirations, and fashionista expertise; and they have been affirmed by thousands, if not millions, of likes from their cyber fans.
But who are the people behind those likes? If they are men, are they married? Dating or engaged? What is their age? How long do they look? Are they predators? Do they have a sexual addictions?
The potential answers to these questions force us to grapple with the possibility that a young girl’s flirtation with social media is, in many cases, an opportunity for a man to stare at her for as long and as much as he wants. It’s shocking to think about but something we need to be discussing with our daughters. And although I am convinced mothers could communicate this message with conviction, it would pack a weightier punch coming from a father. The second thing I believe fathers should teach their daughters about men is that “Men are visual beings”.
#2 Men are visual beings.
It is no secret that men look at women. Instinctively, we know this. What we don’t know is how much and in what way.
In their book Every Man’s Battle, authors Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey describe the visual stimulation of a man in the chapter entitled “Just Being Male”.
Our eyes give men the means to sin broadly and at will. We don’t need a date or a mistress. We don’t ever need to wait. We have our eyes and can draw sexual gratification through them at any time. We’re turned on by female nudity in any way, shape, or form.
They go on to say, “. . . For males, impurity of the eyes is sexual foreplay. . . Just like stroking an inner thigh or rubbing a breast. Because foreplay is any sexual action that naturally takes us down the road to intercourse. “
And it used to be that women dressed in manners where men had to rely on their imagination to dwell on the physique of a woman, but not anymore. Now in the name of liberation and self-expression women embrace midriff necklines, see through dresses, and bras for shirts instead of shirts themselves. For some women this is less a fashion statement and more an effort to garner the attention of a man.
I know this struggle well. I can vividly remember longing to get a man to notice me because of my scantily clad clothing. What I needed were the words of my father communicating that a woman’s worth is not found in her anatomy but in God.
In his book, Always a Daddy’s Girl, H. Norman Wright had this to say about a woman..
It is from her father that a girl needs to know that she is attractive, that her conversation is interesting and that her creativity is worthwhile. If her father applauds her mental and spiritual attributes during her formative years, she will learn not to rely solely on shallow qualities like sex appeal to attract men as an adult. Affirmation from her father in proper doses will convince her that she is an important person, not a sex object.
But what if a girl is not affirmed in this way? Is she left to rely on a man’s opinion of her outward appearance in order to derive her sense of self? Absolutely not, a woman who was not affirmed for who she is by her father is affirmed by God through his word.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139: 14)
God’s affirmation is given freely and not contingent on our outward appearance. All we have to do is believe it and embrace the fact that we are a fully loved, valued and completely seen daughters of God.
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