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Kia Stephens


July 22, 2017

4 Things Fathers Should Teach Their Daughters About Men Part III

July 22, 2017 | By | 6 Comments

Generally, I am naive about a lot of things.  On more than one occasion I have been the woman in the group who needed a secondary explanation on terminology everyone else already understood.  So when I recently, got schooled on the subject of men, women and Instagram, I wasn’t surprised.

“Most of my subscribers are women,” a friend’s husband said in response to my question about his more than 5,000 plus following.  I assumed many of those followers were men but my assumption was met with a truth I will never forget.  “Men don’t go to Instagram to get inspiration from other men,” he said. “ Men go to Instagram to look at women.”  

As I made a mental note on his statement, I thought not about the women posting multiple pics a day on Instagram but the girls.  You’ve seen them: uploading various poses of their kissy faces and model pouts.  Young girls in record numbers have turned to the immediate gratification of social media to showcase their make-up genius, modeling aspirations, and fashionista expertise; and they have been affirmed by thousands, if not millions, of likes from their cyber fans.

But who are the people behind those likes?  If they are men, are they married? Dating or engaged?  What is their age?  How long do they look?  Are they predators?  Do they have a sexual addictions?

The potential answers to these questions force us to grapple with the possibility that a young girl’s flirtation with social media is, in many cases, an opportunity for a man to stare at her for as long and as much as he wants.  It’s shocking to think about but something we need to be discussing with our daughters.  And although I am convinced mothers could communicate this message with conviction, it would pack a weightier punch coming from a father.  The second thing I believe fathers should teach their daughters about men is that  “Men are visual beings”.

#2 Men are visual beings.

It is no secret that men look at women.  Instinctively, we know this.  What we don’t know is how much and in what way.

In their book Every Man’s Battle, authors Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey describe the visual stimulation of a man in the chapter entitled “Just Being Male”.

Our eyes give men the means to sin broadly and at will.  We don’t need a date or a mistress.  We don’t ever need to wait.  We have our eyes and can draw sexual gratification through them at any time.  We’re turned on by female nudity in any way, shape, or form.

They go on to say, “. . . For males, impurity of the eyes is sexual foreplay. . .  Just like stroking an inner thigh or rubbing a breast.  Because foreplay is any sexual action that naturally takes us down the road to intercourse.

And it used to be that women dressed in manners where men had to rely on their imagination to dwell on the physique of a woman, but not anymore.  Now in the name of liberation and self-expression women embrace midriff necklines, see through dresses, and bras for shirts instead of shirts themselves.  For some women this is less a fashion statement and more an effort to garner the attention of a man.

I know this struggle well.  I can vividly remember longing to get a man to notice me because of my scantily clad clothing.  What I needed were the words of my father communicating that a woman’s worth is not found in her anatomy but in God.

In his book, Always a Daddy’s Girl, H. Norman Wright had this to say about a woman..

It is from her father that a girl needs to know that she is attractive, that her conversation is interesting and that her creativity is worthwhile. If her father applauds her mental and spiritual attributes during her formative years, she will learn not to rely solely on shallow qualities like sex appeal to attract men as an adult.  Affirmation from her father in proper doses will convince her that she is an important person, not a sex object.

But what if a girl is not affirmed in this way?  Is she left to rely on a man’s opinion of her outward appearance in order to derive her sense of self?  Absolutely not, a woman who was not affirmed for who she is by her father is affirmed by God through his word.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  (Psalm 139:  14)

God’s affirmation is given freely and not contingent on our outward appearance.  All we have to do is believe it and  embrace the fact that we are a fully loved, valued and completely seen daughters of God.

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  1. I find this one to be such a tricky one–because just as fathers need to teach their daughters that men are visual–Fathers also need to teach their sons that women are NOT objects to lust over. Sometimes, I think this is a bigger issue than what we wear as women. But at the same time, I agree with the heart of this post in that we all so badly need to find out identity in Christ.
    Melissa Schlies recently posted…Don’t Worry, That’s NormalMy Profile

    • Yes I agree Melissa, boys need to be taught as well. In this post I wanted to tackle the power a father has in impacting his daughters appearance. I also wanted to draw a direct parallel to a daughters lack of affirmation from her father and the temptation to get her needs met by male attention. I think we would both agree that who were not fathered must look to God to be affirmed. Thanks so much for you comments on this post Melissa. Be blessed! – Kia

  2. This is such a good post – balanced and honest. It makes me want to talk to my daughter as well as she enters her teen years. I’m glad my husband constantly praises her on how funny, bright, and talented she is.
    Jennie Goutet recently posted…13 Books Set in FranceMy Profile

    • Hi Jennie,
      You and your daughter are blessed to have such a wonderful father and husband. My prayer is that women and girls who don’t have this as their reality will be able to experience the love and tender care of a father from God. Thank you for your words and yes do talk to your daughter. So glad you joined the conversation and be blessed! – Kia

  3. Kia, this was a wonderful reminder on how God provides the ultimate, lasting affirmation to fatherless women like me. The post helped me see where God has been faithful to help me see my true worth beyond mere appearance, while keeping me prayerful about this arena in my life!

    • Hey Lauren,

      If there is anyone whose life demonstrates the faithfulness of God it is you. I am honored to write a post that encourages your heart. Please know that I (and most importantly God) see you as beautiful inside and out! Be blessed girl! – Love ya – Kia

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