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Kia Stephens

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April 17, 2017

To the Woman With Father Wounds

April 17, 2017 | By | 12 Comments

I was wasting time on Facebook when my emotions made an unannounced visit.  Out of nowhere they instigated the worst ugly cry of 2017.  There I was, innocently scrolling through images when I stumbled across an article about Simone Biles and Sasha Farber’s waltz to You’re A Good Good Father on Dancing with the Stars.

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Kia Stephens

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April 10, 2017

What To Do When God is Silent

April 10, 2017 | By | 2 Comments

As much as I hate to admit it, I have trust issues.  Showing up at the most undesirable times, they’ve caused me to question my friends, my spouse, and even GPS.  Generally, I’m okay as long as there is some form of communication, but it’s in the silence when I start to lose it.

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Kia Stephens

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December 20, 2016

When Life Is Unresolved

December 20, 2016 | By | 8 Comments

I just love closure. Don’t you?

The End of an Argument

A Paid Off Bill

A Happy Ending

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Kia Stephens

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August 8, 2016

4 Reasons Why Men Don’t Father (Part I)

August 8, 2016 | By | 4 Comments

It’s hard to imagine why a man would not father his child.  I can still remember the Cheshire cat grin that spanned the width of my husband’s face when he found out we were pregnant with our first child.  I have watched this same excitement dictate his engagement in the lives of our boys.

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Kia Stephens

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July 11, 2016

5 Questions White & Black People Must Ask

July 11, 2016 | By | 6 Comments

Up until about 5 years ago everyone in my immediate circle was of the same race. I graduated from a historically black college, went to work in an all black elementary school, attended a predominantly black church, and had no white friends or associates.   My life was segregated, safe and familiar.

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Kia Stephens

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June 19, 2016

Kia Stephens

By

February 1, 2016

The Truth About Self-Hatred

February 1, 2016 | By | 2 Comments

“I was teased growing up,” I began.  “For three years, male and female tweens talked about the size of my nose, the color of my skin, my skinny legs, and non existent breast,” I continued.  Initially, I had no intentions of divulging my adolescent tale of woe with the fourth and fifth grade mentees, but I deemed it necessary.

Just before my comments the girls viewed a PowerPoint presentation of women thought of as beautiful:  Beyonce, Rihanna, Ciara, and then Lupita Nyong’o.  The immediate response to Lupita’s image was one of disdain. She was dark and her hair was short.

“She’s bald headed,” one said.  Another described her as, “Black.” Even though her features mirrored several of the girls in the room, she was harshly criticized.  Before I knew it an indignation rose in me.  I had to speak.

I had to speak because I knew somewhere in that crowd of estrogen was a girl who felt just as I did when I was her age.  She needed an advocate, someone to stand up and say you are beautiful.  She needed someone to teach her how to love herself.  

The effects of self hatred and low self-esteem are subtle: slowly infiltrating our psyche until we don’t even notice it.  Constantly, we are bombarded with a barrage of images dictating what beauty is and is not. Air brushed women with hair and wardrobe stylist, personal makeup artist and plastic surgery are touted as the world’s standard of beauty.  And I’ll be the first to say I have believed the lie, often enduring a torture filled regiment of hair straightening, face painting, eyebrow plucking, and spanx (need I say more).  

I do this in an attempt to reach the ever rising beauty bar.  If I didn’t straighten, paint,  pluck or squeeze my appearance would be drastically different.  In my purest state I’d have bushy eyebrows, uneven skin, a protruding belly, and a rather large afro.  This image will never meet the societal standard of beauty, but it does meet God’s.  

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