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Kia Stephens

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April 24, 2017

Love, Life & Mental Health

April 24, 2017 | By | No Comments

Do you desire long lasting love? Has maintaining a health vibrant relationship posed a struggle for you?  In this live stream hangout Kia Stephens of the Father Swap Blog discusses “Love, Life, & Mental Health” with her guest Dr. Debbie Stevens.

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Kia Stephens

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April 24, 2017

Healing from Rape & Abortion

April 24, 2017 | By | No Comments

The topics of rape and abortion plague society and yet are rarely talked about from a point of healing for the women affected by them.  In this live stream hangout Kia Stephens of the Father Swap Blog will discuss “Healing from Rape & Abortion” with her guest Ashley Sigrest. She will share her brave account of how she found healing after experiencing both.

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Kia Stephens

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February 14, 2017

3 Things To Remember When You Don’t Feel Loved on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2017 | By | 4 Comments

No  flowers

No Chocolates

No Man

When our romanticized view of Valentine’s Day meets reality we may be tempted to treat this holiday as just another day.  Whether married or single we may find ourselves wanting to stay in bed, gorge on candy and binge on Netflix.  After all, this day is often salt poured into an already open and unhealed wound.  

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Kia Stephens

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February 13, 2017

3 Ways to Stop Dating Mr. Wrong

February 13, 2017 | By | No Comments

Although it is only once a year event Valentine’s Day has the potential to cast a dark shadow on our romantic relationships or lack thereof.  This day tends to magnify the absence of a love interest in the life of a single woman.  At least that is the sentiment I have heard in the past few months.

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Kia Stephens

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January 30, 2017

Dating & the Daddyless Daughters Part III : How the Daddyless Daughter Views Sex

January 30, 2017 | By | No Comments

It is difficult to talk about the subject of absent dads and daughters without talking about sex.   We are familiar with the data that states women without fathers are more susceptible to getting their needs met from sexual relationships with men.  Coming up on the next episode of digging deeper we are going to take a closer look and the impact absent dads have on the sexual relationships of their daughters.

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Kia Stephens

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January 9, 2017

Dating & the Daddyless Daughter Part II

January 9, 2017 | By | 6 Comments

Have you ever surveyed your strengths and weakness? I have and I absolutely love to dwell on my strengths and steer clear of all my weaknesses even though I know this is the path I must take in order to grow.   Read More

Kia Stephens

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October 18, 2016

Dating & Daddyless Daughters Live Stream Hangout

October 18, 2016 | By | No Comments

In this intimate live stream hangout with Tiffany Wilson of www.tiffytalks.com we talked about how fathers impact the decisions we make in our dating relationships.

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Kia Stephens

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October 12, 2016

Digging Deeper Episode 9: Dating & Daddyless Daughters Part I

October 12, 2016 | By | No Comments

Whether your daddy was in your life or not.  He will play a role in your romantic relationships. On this episode of Digging Deeper Kia explores the topic of Dating and Daddyless Daughters.

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Kia Stephens

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January 4, 2016

Daddy Wounds By the Numbers

January 4, 2016 | By | 2 Comments

One year ago I took a risk and started a blog for women with daddy wounds.   It was part exhilarating and part nerve wrecking as I put the intimate details of my life on the world wide web, but I’m so glad I did.  The response has been overwhelming.  

Women from all over the United States and a few other countries have visited and shared comments about the subject matter.  In light of my 1 year anniversary I thought it would be fitting to share some of the sobering data I have gathered from the women for whom this blog was created.  Their comments support four major reasons the Father Swap Blog exist.

Reason #1:  There Are Many Women With Unhealed Hurts From Their Father

Of the respondents on the survey, 71% consider themselves a fatherless daughter.   This sad reality communicates the father shaped vacuum that has remained empty for many of the respondents.  Although, 33% of the respondents are in the age range of 25 – 34 the ages of women surveyed are between 18 – 54.  This means many of the women have been carrying this pain throughout their lives:childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.

Jonetta Rose Barras, author of  “Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl?  The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women, succinctly describes this sorority of women.  “We are legions, a multicolored choir of wounded.  Nearly four out of every ten children in the United States live without their fathers in their homes; 50 percent of them are girls according to The National Fatherhood Initiative.” Barras’ quote reminds me that this reality is not uncommon, and unless dealt with, childhood hurts become adult wounds.  

Of the women surveyed, only 50% feel they have been able to heal from the wounds in their father daughter relationship.  40% of the women described their present relationship as distant and 35% do not have a relationship with their dad at all.   The Father Swap Blog seeks to help women heal from these hurts through encouragement, healing and practical wisdom.

Reason #2  There Are Similarities in the Causes of Fatherlessness

Rarely, does the subject matter of an absentee father come up in everyday conversation.  People generally remain on the safer surface layer of communication.  It is simply uncomfortable revealing some of the gory details of our family tree, especially when a father is:

Incarcerated

Addicted to Drugs or Alcohol

Physically or Verbally Abusive

or We Don’t Know Who He Is

But a survey is a safe place to say, “Me too.”  No one will judge you or feel sorry for you.  It is an opportunity for a woman to anonymously validate her story.  

I offered no free gift or Amazon raffle, just an opportunity to answer a few questions about their life’s story.  To my surprise women jumped at the opportunity to share the very personal and painful parts of their father daughter relationship.  Of the women surveyed 55% did not experience the love and affirmation of their biological fathers as a result of divorce or separation, 32% as a result of abandonment, 30% said their fathers were physically present yet emotionally absent and 27% experienced verbal abuse.  The Father Swap Blog purposes to provide a sense of community for women who grew up without the love and affirmation of their biological fathers.

Reason # 3 The Cycle Must Be Broken

Often when we look at the genealogy we see history repeating itself.  This was proven true in the results compiled from the survey.  The survey respondents indicated 29% of their mothers and fathers were not fathered and 6% of the respondents had children that were not fathered.  41% of the women surveyed were single and never married and of that number 35% indicated the relationship with the opposite sex is a major problem.  

No little girl dreams about being a single mom; it just happens: divorce, adultery, addiction, abandonment, death and abuse. Instantly, the fantasy of happily ever after suffers a serious blow – taking a little hope with it.  The aim of the Father Swap Blog is to provide women with practical wisdom to aid them in ending the cycle of fatherlessness.  

Reason # 4 Women With Daddy Wounds Are Turning to Christ

Above all other options, women are turning to Christ in search of healing.  66% of women said they have processed and found healing from Christianity.  I wholeheartedly agree, and believe,

 

Dear Hallmark. . .3 Card Categories to Add For Father's Day

Dear Hallmark. . .3 Card Categories to Add For Father’s Day

If you find yourself represented in any one of these percentages know that your are not alone.  Many women are standing with you, I am one of them.  More than the support another woman can provide the Father Swap Blog wants every woman to know God offers so much more.  

He is the healing balm for the wounded and wholeness for the broken.  

 The cure for the ache in your soul is found in Him.

Daddy Wounds By the Numbers Meme 1

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Kia Stephens

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November 10, 2015

How a Woman’s Clothing Impacts a Man Part II

November 10, 2015 | By | 10 Comments

Every man in the room watched her walk past.  She had legs that reached the ceiling, weave that touched the floor, heels about 3 ½  inches high, and a mini dress that hugged her frame like saran wrap.  Something in me cringed because two of the men with their eyes fixated on this women were married.

This is shocking but oh so common, maybe even accepted as manly behavior.  “A man is going to be a man,” some say.  I have even noticed the wandering eye of men out with their wives, who take a second sometimes third and fourth look at another woman.  

Maybe you have seen it too, or been on the receiving end as the woman looked at or the one ignored. In their book Every Man’s Battle, authors Stephen Arterburn, Fred Stoeker, and Mike Yorkey call it “visual foreplay”. In their chapter on “Just By Being Male” they had the following to say about visual stimulation.

Our eyes give men the means to sin broadly and at will.  We don’t need a date or a mistress.  We don’t ever need to wait.  We have our eyes and can draw sexual gratification through them at any time.  We’re turned on by female nudity in any way, shape, or form.

They go on to say, “. . . For males, impurity of the eyes is sexual foreplay. . .  Just like stroking an inner thigh or rubbing a breast.  Because foreplay is any sexual action that naturally takes us down the road to intercourse.

Maybe this is why Jesus himself said, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5: 28 (NIV)

Yet, even with this widely known understanding about men, why is it that sexually provocative clothing is more and more readily accepted and prevalent?  I would argue that there is a symbiotic relationship between the man who looks, and the woman who desires to get attention for her appearance.

She is getting a need met too.  The woman receives affirmation and the man receives visual stimulation.  This is otherwise known as lust.  But lust is never satisfied; it always demands more, leaving the partaker empty.  

As a result the clothes get tighter.  The skirts get shorter.  And more skin is revealed until there is another exchange.

 

A glance

A smile

A catcall

A number

Existing in her heart is a gnawing fear that if she is no longer considered attractive, she will decrease in value.  So she works diligently to maintain her sexy image because every woman is a competitor and every man a conquest.  This occurs all while the gaping wound in her soul widens.

Instead of dealing with the root cause of her actions she masks them by focusing on how she looks.  Appearing seductive on the outside but broken on the inside, she finds herself stuck in a vicious cycle.  Many times her wounds have been created by the physical and emotional absence of her father.  

So what is the solution?  How can a woman who has grown dependent on external validation from men ever change?  The answer is she must make a conscious choice: every second, minute, and hour of the day to be affirmed by God.

One of my absolute favorite stories in the Bible is that of Jesus and the woman at the well.    The Bible does not speak of this woman’s wounded state, but it does mention her history.  She had been married five times and with a man who was not her husband at the time she met Jesus.

I imagine after five marriages with five different men one would have accumulated some wounds.  In fact, she was probably already wounded prior to her first marriage.  Searching for something in the arms of each subsequent man, she was not satisfied and Jesus knew it.

Instead of speaking to her natural thirst He spoke to the thirst in her soul.If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”   John 4: 10 (NIV)

It is this same thirst for validation He seeks to quench in the heart of every woman.  

 

How a Woman's Clothing Impacts a Man Part II Meme 1

Through His word God offers us an endless supply of deep soul satisfying affirmation.  It is not based on anything we wear or don’t wear.  God’s affirmation is given freely because of who we are in Him.  

How a Woman's Clothing Impacts a Man Part 2 Meme 3

 

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