Why God Allows Women to be Fatherless
There was a season in my adult life where I felt betrayed by God. I could not understand why God created men and women with a desire to be fathered, but allowed them to grow up fatherless. It just didn’t make sense. How could a loving God permit this to happen?
My view of God was shaped by my 3 sometimes more nights a week church attendance. I was on a pew every Sunday (twice in one day), Tuesday and Wednesday. It was ingrained in me to follow the rules and I tried (unsuccessfully). As a result, I began to view Christianity as a contractual relationship where my performance became payment for answered prayers.
When my prayers went unanswered in my adult life I became disillusioned with God. He was no longer the good God of my youth, but a cruel manipulator, sitting high and crafting painful life experiences at will. God knew I would struggle, spending years in a perpetual cyclone of low self esteem, anger, bad relationships, and depression. Why didn’t He just step in and alter my life? He could have. God in His infinite power could supply every newborn baby girl with a loving father in an instant, but He doesn’t.
Does He not care?
Is He not concerned about the pain of millions of women (and men) all over the world?
I was not the first person to ask these questions. It was a repackaged version of,
“Why does God allow suffering?”
How can these horrible realities continue to persist in the presence of the almighty God? Frustrated and questioning, I stepped into the ring and boxed with God for years.
I swung punches and He countered with gentleness. I blamed Him and He loved me unconditionally. The final bell sounded and I went to my corner – defeated by a compassionate God.
What I Learned From My Fight With God
- Christianity is not rule worship and God can’t be pimped.
I am flawed, broken, and in desperate need of a Savior. My relationship with Christ is a passionate expression of my gratitude for Him embracing a sinner like me. It is not a list of rules I follow with the expectation that Christ will do what I say in return.
“ I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, But Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Galatians 2:20 (NIV)
- Everyone has trouble ( even fathered women).
Even if a girl grows up with the love and affirmation of her father she will still have challenges to overcome. No one lives a life void of difficulties.
“… In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33 (NIV)
“. . .for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:45 (NIV)
- Christ himself suffered for my sake (first).
If Christ bore rejection, shame, betrayal, loneliness, and pain beyond comprehension. How can I expect not to have my own share of suffering?
“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” 1 Peter 2: 21 (NIV)
- Suffering does not change the nature of God. Period.
God loves me infinitely. I cannot predicate His love for me on what He does or does not do.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. Jeremiah 31:3
- God has the power to fill every void in a fatherless woman.
The reality is, there are many things I will never do with my earthly dad. But I have the opportunity to spend a lifetime and eternity being loved by my Heavenly Father.
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” Psalms 27: 10
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” 1 John 3:1
- Suffering has a purpose.
My “why me” mentality has turned into a “why not me” outlook. If I had not experienced growing up without my father I would not be writing the very blog post you are reading today. There is purpose in my pain – and yours too.
Joyce Meyers, one of my favorite authors, candidly described how the abuse of her childhood has meaning in her life today during one of her conferences.
“My father, whom I was supposed to be able to trust, who was supposed to keep me safe, raped me a minimum of 200 times before I became 18. Now how can that have happened to me and I stand here before you today, in the condition I am in today if God is not alive and well? How is that possible without God? . . When I tell you that I know what it is like to hurt you believe me. When I. . . tell you that I am healed and whole and sane and well, . . . I’ve got a great marriage of 43 years, . . . 4 kids that are serving God and 10 grandchildren . . . I love my life and I think I am being a value to the kingdom of God, then that gives you hope that God will do it for you. . . I want people to know how good God is and that your struggle is worth it. Your journey is worth it. Don’t give up.”
I don’t know what your fatherless experience has been but I do know none of your tears will be wasted!
You were not fathered for a purpose that only God knows. I encourage you to take your boxing gloves off, step out of the ring and allow God to be the Father you long for.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those (fatherless daughters) who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Matthew 8:28