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Kia Stephens


March 19, 2017

4 Ways to Discover Joy in the Midst of DRAMA

March 19, 2017 | By | 13 Comments

Last week I had an epiphany; I haven’t been completely honest with you.  You may be thinking, “Whaaaaaaat? Aren’t you the one who is always talking about vulnerability?” I am she, but somehow I unintentionally kept a big piece of me to myself.

It hit me recently when I took a personality test with my small group.  If you’ve ever done one you know there are generally four main temperaments.  I’ve seen them described as animals, letters, people, and most recently as colors.

Playful Yellow is spontaneous, the center of attention, and fun to be with.

Powerful Red is the natural born leader, very goal oriented and excellent at multi-tasking.

Peaceful Green is laid back, a great listener, and generally low stressed.

Proper Blue is a deep thinker, organized, and pays close attention to details.

On the internet I masquerade as a deep thinker always in her feelings, but contrary to my obsession with father wounds and emotional healing, this is not my dominant personality. Actually, it is polar opposite. You will probably be shocked to know that most often I am playful yellow – I’m not lying.

That loud comedic life-of-the-party-type who is always first on the dance floor is actually me.  Surprise! It hasn’t translated much in my writing but this is who I am most of the time.

Which brings me to my point.  

Though I talk about the DRAMA that can impact fathers and daughters I think it is important to discover joy in the midst of it. We must LIVE regardless of the adversities we face in this life. I had to learn this and as I result I have 4 takeaways I’m sharing with you.

#1 Laugh.

   I love a good belly laugh, don’t you?  In fact, I like to tell and be told great jokes.  I do however, recognize there are seasons in life where laughter is MIA, sorrow lingers and humor packs up and leaves indefinitely.

I took up residence in this season for years.

Maybe you are experiencing it right now.  Although we may not be able to control our circumstances, we can control our response to them.  Proverbs 3: 25 (NIV) says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

This woman’s life was not perfect, but because she had been styled by the Master designer himself, she could laugh at the coming days.  Whether alone or with friends I choose to laugh.  

#2 Connect with Friends Often

Sometimes when we’re knee deep in DRAMA there’s a tendency to go into hiding.  If there was ever a time to have at least one girlfriend capable of talking us off the cliff it is in these moments.  We have to be willing to invite another woman into our unedited lives.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.  Proverbs 17: 17 (NIV)

When my kids were smaller I saw this scripture in action.  My youngest son had diarrhea and I was trying to care for him and maintain my regular domestic duties when the unthinkable happened.  He pooped on my beige carpet.

I am not sure if I called my friend or she called me, but without hesitation she walked right into my messy and downright gross world.  She steam cleaned and scrubbed the poop off the carpet.  Sometimes we find ourselves overwhelmed by the messiness of life.

#3  Renew Your Mind.

Have you ever heard yourself think?  This questions sounds crazy but have you ever?  Sometimes we think things about ourselves and our lives that are simply not true.

You’ll always be. . .

Things will never . . .

I’m not good at . . .

These statements of indefinite doom and gloom are lies.  God is an abundant giver of hope.  When we surrender our lives to Him, He transforms everything about us – including our thoughts.

This is however, a choice and not a given.  This transformation won’t just happen.  We must replace our old thoughts with His by reading, meditating, and clinging to the Bible.

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12: 2 (NIV)

#4 Adjust Your Perspective.

What if we got everything we ever wanted when we wanted it.  Do you think we’d be happy? Initially, my answer would be an immediate and unapologetic YES, but our happiness would be contingent on our circumstances.

Joy refuses to be controlled by circumstance.  She is a fighter.  Persisting amidst impossible odds joy overcomes.

Joy understands pain has a purpose and though difficult, can result in tremendous beauty. I’ve seen it in countless women who have found a reason to rejoice smack dab in the center of their trials.


Breast Cancer



There is something awe inspiring about people who discover joy in spite of heart ache.  We are encouraged to embrace this truth by the apostle Paul when he says,  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8: 28 (NIV)  Wherever you find yourself today, my hope is that you would be enveloped by an unrelenting joy.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17: 22  



  1. Good post. When you’re going through your problems seem so big to you and its important to keep reaching out as you mentioned here.
    nylse recently posted…Gideon The Mighty Hero, FinallyMy Profile

    • Yes Nylse, reaching out to a strong support base is vital when we are facing difficult circumstances. Often they make the load we are carrying lighter. Thank you for joining the conversation today and be blessed!

  2. Chinedu

    This is SO true, I honestly learnt so much reading this post. I will deffo refer to it and the scriptures mentioned during my time. Sometimes it can be so hard to let people into your “unedited” life…be vulnerable but in the end it works out. I receive that unrelenting joy that persists despite my circumstances!!!!

    • It is definitely difficult Chinedu but that’s where I’ve found my closest friends. I pray God would grant you joy that persist in spite of your circumstances. Thanks for joining the conversation and be blessed! – Kia

  3. Too often we forget that laughter really is the best medicine. Great post altogether! Thanks & Blessings!

    • Very true Mari-Ann. There is power to heal in a joyful heart.

    • Very true Mari-Ann. Laughter has the power to soothe our souls. Thanks for joining the conversation today and be blessed! – Kia

  4. You speak truth, my friend! I don’t do enough of the renewing with friends aspect :). Thank you for the reminder! Visiting from Holley’s link up :).

    • Thanks Anita, so glad you joined the conversation today. Friends definitely help to lighten the load. Be blessed – Kia

  5. Joy is a fighter.
    I love that!
    Sarah recently posted…Make That Change NowMy Profile

    • Me too, Sarah. I can think back to sooooo many times in my life when in spite of myself Joy by way of the fruit of the Holy Spirit had to fight on my behalf! Just one of the amazing aspects of the GRACE of God. So glad you stopped by and joined the conversation today my friend and Be blessed! – Kia

  6. Kia,
    I too thought I transparent and vulnerable. And I was to a degree….I was open AFTER I had weathered the storm and would tell a beautiful tale with an open, middle and happy ending. I never let anyone in, in the middle of the story. BUT GOD! honey its a new day and I’m free. Thank you for inviting us to embrace vulnerability and to behold joy.

    • Life has a way of making us vulnerable. We are better for it! Thank you Tyra for joining the conversation today! Glad to see you here and be blessed my friend! – Kia

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